worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
