so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
