Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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