what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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