No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
