I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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