I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
