its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize