where am i from again
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
