Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
