we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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