Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish there were birth control emojis
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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