I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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