I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
