my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
