it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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