1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
