A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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