i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
