Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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