can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
