y did u give ur computer a hand job?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
