I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
