This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think people are normalizing furries
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
