So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
