Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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