So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
