Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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