In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
