The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize