Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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