He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
