Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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