I seem to have left my pride at pride
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
