I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
