literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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