nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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