I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
