i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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