I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
