Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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