Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
50% drunk capacity currently
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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