He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
