I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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