well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
