I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize