Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
