I didn't shave. On purpose
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Found the puke drawer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
