You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
