I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
