Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
