I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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