I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
cat food counts as protein by the way
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
