True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
