Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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