The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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