Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
