dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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