Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
