have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
