doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
