Can i not drive my cunt home
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
