She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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