I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
