Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
