Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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