I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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