youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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