I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize