Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
