apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
