Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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