dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
